This is the side of my face that doesn’t feel like someone hit it with a hammer. This is also what I look like while waiting for Amazon to send me a beard trimmer to replace the one my fiancée’s asshole cat threw on the ground in one of his feline fits of dickish rage, rendering it useless. On the plus side, there will be a lot of extra, swollen cheek to shave when it arrives.

This is the side of my face that doesn’t feel like someone hit it with a hammer.

This is also what I look like while waiting for Amazon to send me a beard trimmer to replace the one my fiancée’s asshole cat threw on the ground in one of his feline fits of dickish rage, rendering it useless.

On the plus side, there will be a lot of extra, swollen cheek to shave when it arrives.