The last six times I’ve been hired by someone I have heard a variation on the following: “That’s the best résumé I’ve ever seen.” (obviously, here in Scotland it’s “C.V.” but you get the idea)
On each and every one of those application documents I have listed things like “buy a yacht” under career goals and “silent crying” under skills.
My C.V. looks like it was cobbled together in some sort of ancient castle and exposed to lightning. It’s a patchwork of fine dining kitchen work, writing, and puns. It’s not even on nice paper. Just basic white wobbly stuff, yet it never fails to land me the job I’m after.
I would urge those who have been convinced a résumé must be professional and beautiful to consider how many horrible, boring permutations of the same overblown language and inflated skill sets the average hiring manager has to sift through daily, and to offer that poor, beleaguered stranger some respite by giving them something that actually reflects the person they will be hiring, and (heaven forfend) amuses them.
"No communicable diseases" is a great personal selling point.
Hologram Tupac sits in a warehouse. Loneliess heavy in the still air. No friends come visit. There is no hologram coffee machine. He tries to kick something in frustration but lacks body density.
- Natalie: Yeah, I was reading some thing today that was all "49 facts about Game Of Thrones you don't know".
- Justin: What would the internet be without its lists?
- Natalie: Listless.