Makin’ Bacon Naked: the riveting TV show where I brave considerable personal peril to prepare bacon in the nude. It’s a morning show. On cable, probably.
No Hard Feelings: an erectile dysfunction support website where men and women can discuss the trials and tribulations living and loving with E.D.
The Fuck Is Wrong With You?: a nine part web series where I show models how to drink milk without spilling it all over their chest and face (apparently it’s very difficult for some people).
Working at Safeway: this is a job I get where I stock shelves at the grocery store third shift so I can get discounts on food, plus have something to do at 3am that isn’t masturbating.
STOP DESATURATING PICTURES BECAUSE YOU THINK BLACK AND WHITE LOOKS MORE “ARTSY”.
It doesn’t, and you’re a dickhead.
"What you have is rather like birds on the Galapagos islands — an isolated population with unique selective pressures resulting in evolutionary divergence from the mainland population. There’s no reason you should be able to understand what these academics are saying because, for several generations, comprehensibility to outsiders has not been one of the selective criteria to which they’ve been subjected. What’s more, it’s not particularly important that they even be terribly comprehensible to each other, since the quality of academic work, particularly in the humanities, is judged primarily on the basis of politics and cleverness. In fact, one of the beliefs that seems to be characteristic of the postmodernist mind set is the idea that politics and cleverness are the basis for all judgments about quality or truth, regardless of the subject matter or who is making the judgment. A work need not be right, clear, original, or connected to anything outside the group. Indeed, it looks to me like the vast bulk of literary criticism that is published has other works of literary criticism as its principal subject, with the occasional reference to the odd work of actual literature tossed in for flavoring from time to time."
— Chip Morningstar, How to Deconstruct Anything