Photoset

These blurbs are great.

Lady bug dicks, people. We’re living in the future.

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I wrote a thing for some people. It is available, along with four other worthwhile essays/articles/etceteras, with full audio accompaniment and photos, for a whopping 99 cents. If you’d like to read 3500 words about Glasgow, padlocks, and junkies (or just listen to some professional narrator guy with a horrible snarky voice read it), click here.
As you can see, the next story is about skyping with David Lynch, which sounds like a worthwhile read to me.
I don’t know if you need an iPhone/iPad/iDevice to read it or not, but considering I saw a homeless guy with a iPhone 4 last week I’m just assuming everyone’s got one and it’s a moot point.
If you just want to go get a beer and have me read it to you that’s cool too, but the beer will be £1.25 minimum and you’ll probably have to fly to Scotland so it’s more cost-effective to just download it.

I wrote a thing for some people. It is available, along with four other worthwhile essays/articles/etceteras, with full audio accompaniment and photos, for a whopping 99 cents. If you’d like to read 3500 words about Glasgow, padlocks, and junkies (or just listen to some professional narrator guy with a horrible snarky voice read it), click here.

As you can see, the next story is about skyping with David Lynch, which sounds like a worthwhile read to me.

I don’t know if you need an iPhone/iPad/iDevice to read it or not, but considering I saw a homeless guy with a iPhone 4 last week I’m just assuming everyone’s got one and it’s a moot point.

If you just want to go get a beer and have me read it to you that’s cool too, but the beer will be £1.25 minimum and you’ll probably have to fly to Scotland so it’s more cost-effective to just download it.

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I said, “I’ll fuck you up.”

Brown Brogues - My Birthday

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Tags: glasgow
Audio

I don’t know. I have so many strong reservations. Should I go and perform mutilations?

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Binge frienefits.

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A year ago this was the face I would make when attempting to adjust to Glaswegian weather. Now, sadly, it is the only face I have.
There is no adjustment, only surrender. 

A year ago this was the face I would make when attempting to adjust to Glaswegian weather. Now, sadly, it is the only face I have.

There is no adjustment, only surrender. 

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The last six times I’ve been hired by someone I have heard a variation on the following: “That’s the best résumé I’ve ever seen.” (obviously, here in Scotland it’s “C.V.” but you get the idea)

On each and every one of those application documents I have listed things like “buy a yacht” under career goals and “silent crying” under skills. 

My C.V. looks like it was cobbled together in some sort of ancient castle and exposed to lightning. It’s a patchwork of fine dining kitchen work, writing, and puns. It’s not even on nice paper. Just basic white wobbly stuff, yet it never fails to land me the job I’m after.

I would urge those who have been convinced a résumé must be professional and beautiful to consider how many horrible, boring permutations of the same overblown language and inflated skill sets the average hiring manager has to sift through daily, and to offer that poor, beleaguered stranger some respite by giving them something that actually reflects the person they will be hiring, and (heaven forfend) amuses them.

"No communicable diseases" is a great personal selling point.

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Hologram Tupac sits in a warehouse. Loneliess heavy in the still air. No friends come visit. There is no hologram coffee machine. He tries to kick something in frustration but lacks body density.

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One time, for a board game, I had to draw a baby with my eyes closed.
I pretty much nailed it.

One time, for a board game, I had to draw a baby with my eyes closed.

I pretty much nailed it.

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There is absolutely no way around this high-tech security gate.

There is absolutely no way around this high-tech security gate.

Tags: glasgow
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Something for everybody, if not two or three things at once.

DJ Abilities - The Blends mix

Tags: dj abilities
Chat
  • Natalie: Yeah, I was reading some thing today that was all "49 facts about Game Of Thrones you don't know".
  • Justin: What would the internet be without its lists?
  • Natalie: Listless.
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If you come across this book in your travels, consider reading it.
I did, and found it infuriating and worthwhile in equal measure.

If you come across this book in your travels, consider reading it.

I did, and found it infuriating and worthwhile in equal measure.